“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7.7 (NIV)
The idea that we should never settle in our faith but continuously seek God throughout our life really speaks to me. I am a firm believer that we should not fear asking the hard questions and expressing our doubts to God. I don’t think that God is particularly surprised or shaken by any of my questions.
In the last few years, through engaging with different cultures and people, in life and more recently through reading some very interesting and often challenging blogs, I have found myself questioning things which I once took for granted. At the back of my mind, I have been aware that I was not wholly comfortable with ‘the Truth’ I had been taught as a child and young person for a long time, not because I don’t believe, but because I didn’t know why I believe. Whilst there is of course a place for faith that goes beyond our understanding, this does not mean that our reason should go out of the window in all matters of faith, and I hope I can learn to engage with my doubts and become more like Jesus as a result.
Above all, I believe in God and I follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. I believe that He died on a cross to reunite us with God and came back to life three days later. I am not a hysterical or emotional person by nature, in that I place too much importance in reason and truth to accept anything simply ‘because the Bible tells me so’ even if it flies in the face of scientific fact. Having been raised in France in an environment where reason and logic, a critical spirit and laicité in public life are highly valued, I have a deep appreciation for a well thought-out argument and I have found myself unable to simply abide by this motto. Yet there are too many answered prayers, too many unexplained experiences, and ‘coincidences’ in the story of my life. Despite the many doubts that challenge my faith, it remains that I cannot deny the influence of God in my life.
Faith is a journey that should have no end as far as searching is concerned. This blog is my attempt at putting down in words the struggles and questions I am and have been wrestling with. Some of these might seem unpalatable to people who find comfort in black and white thinking and desire clear assurances; they might even seem at times like a rejection of orthodox doctrine. I assure you that my intention is not to reject long-held beliefs in an attempt to appear more in touch with modern society or any such thing, but rather stems from a desire to be authentic and honest about the genuine difficulties I have between beliefs I have always taken for granted and the reality of living in a fallen world. So I have questions. If that makes you uncomfortable, then maybe you’re in the right place, because I’m not exactly comfortable either!
I’ll probably be talking about church issues, worship, gender, culture, women and a whole lot more when I do get going.
I intended to start this blog as a private journal because of some insecurities I have about how I might want to express these things and I feel that I may need a bit of time to find my voice as a faith writer. As it is, I never really got started because I find the writing process to be very time consuming (especially with a young child running around my legs all day) and I don’t feel very eloquent most of the time but rather I waffle on trying to say what I really mean. I hope you’ll forgive me. In addition, whilst I have always enjoyed a good debate, if I’m honest I am terribly afraid of conflict and controversy and I am genuinely fearful of what a blog audience might have to say about my thoughts if I were to express them in their raw form. At the same time, I would love it if some great discussions were to stem in/from the comments. I would only ask that you be kind to me and to each other on this journey.